


Nobody's Poet

by YouHateInvisiblePie



Series: Inspired by music [8]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, Mostly Dialogue, Standing around and talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 04:50:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11844288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouHateInvisiblePie/pseuds/YouHateInvisiblePie
Summary: Grif tells Donut a (romantic?) story.I thought it wasn't half bad.





	Nobody's Poet

"Oh come on! You have to tell me," Donut begged.

"No I don't," Grif replied.

"Please Grif. Please please please tell me. Pretty please with the biggest, reddest, most succulent, juicy, voluptuous -"

"Fine, just stop talking and I'll tell you the damn story," Grif conceded.

"Eeeeeeee" Donut squealed excitedly.

"Are you going to make that noise the entire time?"

"Maybeeeeeeeee."

Grif sighed, but began telling the story anyway. "So Simmons was sleeping and I was messing around on my datapad."

"What were _you_  doing up?" Donut wondered, interrupting.

"What does it matter?" Grif retorted.

"This is _super_ important, so literally _everything_ is relevant," Donut informed him.

"I was hungry but didn't feel like getting up to go steal something from the kitchen. Happy?"

"So why didn't you just go back to sleep?"

Grif shrugged. "Anyway, there was this letter in the personal columns."

"You were reading the newspaper?" Donut asked, incredulously. "Wait, papers still _have_ personal columns? Wait, what were _you_ doing reading the personal columns? You Grif are taken," Donut finished his tirade, giving his orange teammate a disapproving glare.

"I was tired of Simmons," Grif admitted nonchalantly.

Donut gasped, scandalized.

"We've been together too long. Anyway -"

"You don't just say anyway after dropping a bomb like that!"

"Do you want to hear the story or not?"

Donut stopped talking, and nodded, but continued to glare at Grif.

"Anyway," Grif continued, "in the personal columns there was this letter I read."

" 'If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain, if you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain, if you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me, and escape'."

"That sounds familiar...oh! That's a song, isn't it?" Donut realized after thinking it over for a moment.

"Yeah, so obviously I had to write back, because clearly this girl had good taste in music."

"How did you know that it was a girl who wrote the letter?"

"Because it was a girl in the song."

"But that doesn't necessarily -"

"So I decided to write back," Grif continued talking as if Donut hadn't interrupted, "because Simmons and I had fallen into the same old dull routine. So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad, and I wrote 'Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne.'"

"Uh, Grif, yoga isn't edible," Donut pointed out, "it's -"

"I know the difference between yoga and yogurt," Grif snapped. "That's how the song goes," he impatiently explained.

"Oh, so what else did you write?"

" 'I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape, at a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape.' "

"But there's not a -"

"I know. I didn't think that far ahead."

"So you actually wanted to meet up with this person?"

"Of course. I wouldn't have bothered writing back if I wasn't serious."

"But didn't you think about Simmons at all?" Donut asked, clearly upset.

"No. So anyway -"

"About how you actions would hurt him?"

"Not really."

"About how heartbroken he would be when he found out?"

"No, Donut, I did not think about Simmons or his feelings at all."

"Bastard," Donut huffed. "You don't deserve Simmons, cheating on him like that."

"Who says I cheated?"

"But you just said -"

"That I wrote a letter to a woman I didn't know asking to meet up because I was bored of my current relationship."

"So you _didn't_ meet her?"

"Now I didn't say that..."

"So what _did_ you do then?" Donut asked, exasperated, throwing his arms up in frustration and mock surrender.

"Well there isn't a bar called O'Malley's..." Grif started.

"There's not even a _bar_ on Chorus!"

"There's a speakeasy though..."

"There is?" Donut asked, tone changing to intrigue almost immediately. "Where?"

"So I went to the speakeasy," Grif continued, ignoring Donut's question entirely, "and waited with high hopes and she walked in the place. I knew that smile in an instant. I knew the curve of that face.It was my own lovely lady."

"I'm not a girl!" Simmons squeaked indignantly.

"I was expecting one though," Grif replied. "Don't ruin the story."

"Saying what _actually happened_ isn't ruining it," Simmons argued.

"It's far less interesting to say that _you_ walked in though," Grif countered.

"That's what happened!"

"Fine. Simmons walked in and said"

"Ah, it's you."

"Then we laughed for a moment, and I said 'I never knew that you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain, and the feel of the ocean' "

" 'And the taste of champagne'," Simmons finished the sentence.

"And it was then that I realized that the universe was probably trying to tell me something. I mean I _tried_ to cheat on Simmons and just ended up with Simmons again. So I asked him to marry me."

"Awww," Donut cooed.

"That noise is _exactly_ why I didn't want to tell you in the first place," Grif grumbled.

Once Donut finished fawning over them, and giving his congratulations, the light-ish red solidier left, and Grif and Simmons were alone.

"Not bad Grif."

"Thanks."

"I thought he was onto you for a moment there when he said he recognized the song," Simmons admitted.

"I wasn't worried, he only knew the chorus. Next time someone asks it's your turn," Grif informed the maroon soldier "and you have to use...Fernando."

"The Abba song?"

"Yep."

" 'There was something in the air that night, the stars were bright' _that_ Fernando?"

"Is there another Abba song called Fernando?"

"How am I supposed to turn _that_ song into an engagement story?"

"I don't know," Grif laughed, "but I'm looking forward to you using the line 'and I'm not ashamed to say the roar of guns and cannons almost made me cry'."

"I hate you," Simmons grumbled.

"Hey man, no one forced you to accept my proposal."

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "Escape" (The Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes


End file.
